Monday, May 30, 2011

2 years of motherhood

Motherhood has been a very exciting and overwhelming experience for me. If anyone asks me now, Sarah is like the light of my life. Now during my stint in motherhood, I came across a series of "pet peeves" - unfortunately I have allowed for them to a certain extent, but now I strongly believe that there are certain areas where anyone who is not part of the child-caring process do not have a say. I am sure that most of the mothers out there, especially in India, have faced such instances, which would have left them bitter or drained. So check them out:

  • "You have to do this, so that the baby is this or he/she feels like this: - Whenever you come across someone who starts their conversation like this, first, see if this person has a child. Yes, then you can try giving an ear, but I would not suggest you take that advice unless it makes sense. For instance, when the talking person is your mom or mother-in-law, yeah i agree, you need to respect, but you don't have to listen to useless advice nor implement it for their happiness.
  • Superstitious bullcrap - I someone tries to impose their superstitions on baby care, run away from them, stay away from them, unless you are prepared to ignore it effectively without a tinge of stress - dude! this is not the 1950s!!
  • Dont allow anyone to abuse you in front of the baby. Stay away. You don't want your child growing up hearing all this nonsense and humiliation and if you think it does not affect the baby, you are absolutely wrong. Well, i am a living example of someone who came out of a hostile home environment. When I look back, I dont feel guilty, but I feel very frustrated regarding what situation I was put into with no fault of mine. It did me good though; I became independent and responsible in life. But it deteriorated a lot of my problem-solving skills and I grew up to become very emotionally frail. So if you are going through abuse, be it emotional or physical, do not expose your child to it - he/she absolutely does not deserves this. You would not want her child looking to her friend's home and thinking why it is not the same in her/his home.
Always remember all babies are unique in their own ways, habits, behavior patterns, etc. Mother still remains the primary caretaker, so no one knows what is best for the baby other than the mother. It is important to educate yourself - I take tips from other mothers, and I Google for home remedies, tips and other information.

Friday, May 27, 2011

The TV sleeps

Sometimes when I see my 2-year daughter understanding or doing things, I feel that I wouldn't have been as smart as her even when I was 4 years. For instance, she loves to watch TV. However, I do not allow her to do that all time. And I switch it off and also the main switch to which the plug is connected. I fool her by telling "TV has to sleep." It worked till last day, till I saw her taking her small chair and switching on the plug to see the TV.

I was surprised that she learnt that TV can be switched on any time. Now the TV will not be allowed to sleep.

Do you need them? Do they need you?

Last day while speaking with my friend, we came across a situation where relatives or "friends" back out from functions that are important to us. The next reaction is we feel sad and surprised that how can they not choose to be part of this event that matters to us?

Fret not! This is that important process of life which filters out the dirt - which refers to the shallow namesake relationships. Consider the following clarifications:

  • I am her friend, but I cannot support her when she is in crisis. I have my life. Let her deal with it.
  • I am his aunt, but no way I am going for his marriage because he did not invite me the way I am supposed to be.
Let us ask ourselves - Do we need such a friend or aunt? Are they worth keeping for?

Everyone has their own personal choices - some will say: this is family, we need to keep them. Some will reply with an outright "NO, I don't need them."

Personally, I would not want such baggage. Life is too short to be wasted worrying on them. Move on - this does not mean shun them, abuse them, and kick them out. Keep a healthy distance where they cannot take over your emotions - move on emotionally. And trust me, this is the hard part. But it definitely gives you that balance you need to keep with regard to such relationships.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Stupid Faith

Faith can become a shroud of stupidity that will make you believe that things will become right some day - I confess, my impatience is stopping me to have faith in anyone other than myself. I know! Life can be hard - hard to that extent where all sacrifice, blood, sweat and tears seem to get wasted, pulling you down to some point of no return. But I am a born fighter and I don't give a damn of what others think of me - but this very fact gives me rubber knees when I think of raising my daughter in this bad bad world.

Hit by Blues.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Bleed Blue for Team Blue

Yesterday, on April 2, 2011, Dhoni, Yuvaraj, Harbhajan Singh, Zaheer Khan, and Ashish Nehra were amongst those who lifted the world cup of 2011.It was hard to hold back the tears as I remember that all of them were part of the real bad phase in 2007 world cup, where they did not even qualify for the quarter finals. The enraged fans even attacked the houses of some players. Now… this is an inspiring story of rising as a beaming Phoenix from the ashes with hard work, determination, persistence, blood, sweat and true grit – all these prepared the team to win the match after 28 years of long wait. I must say the spectators did a wonderful job of being the best support system a home team can ever ask for in such a crucial match. This team we see today is not a flawless one, but a bunch of individuals who had a strong passion for this game and the unstoppable urgency to win – no matter what others thought of them, they were refusing to stop until they held the world cup, which was like their elixir to life.

I had almost lost hope on our team when the wickets after Sachin fell down as a hopeless pack of cards in a match against South Africa within just 29 runs, which made many believe that the middle and tail order batsmen cannot be relied upon. Many of us gave up on them, but importantly, the team didn’t give up on their focus or their abilities to win the cup– the most beautiful lesson to be learnt here.

The first over by Sreesanth in the final match made many of us slap our foreheads. When Sachin and Sehwag returned to the bench and the team score was a meager 32, the stadium almost went dead silent – a lot of disappointed faces, chants and prayers. But, the team was fighting it out carefully ball by ball

Four wickets later and at a 200 plus total after 40 overs, every Indian fan was looking at the two young faces of Indian cricket on the pitch – one of them being our supercool captian who was still ubercool, inching every doosara and teesra any Malinga had to offer. We got a tough opponent, but it was indeed our day – the day for which cricket enthusiasts all over the country waited from years.

The ground support was commendable: no boos, no distractions – just undying passion, hope, and cheers that rocked the ground for every boundary. When the rival team was presented with their medals, the ground echoed with cheers and claps of appreciation – wow! This also reminded me of that embarrassing world cup semi-final match in 1996 where the Srilankan team had to face the wrath of the unruly mob of Eden Gardens because India was loosing the game – the crowd at Wankhade stadium gave them the much-needed respect.

Sachin’s humble and radiant smile was unforgettable and the joyous tears of the support staff and team members created some of the most golden heart-warming moments of this World Cup. Many of them did not forget to mention the bad times they had to wade through to reach here, especially Yuvaraj, who made his critics to bite the dust with his top-notch performance. Hats off to the team coach Gary Kristen and his support staff who molded this team. Let the celebrations continue! Let our passion bleed blue!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Post-partum depression or Discrimination?

Today I was shocked to see a heart-breaking news on Mumbai Mirror that a mother (Deepika Parmar from Dahisar) threw her 1-1/2-month-old baby girl (one of her twins) out of the bathroom window of the hospital. The baby girl did not survive as a rat nibbled half of her head and by the time the security staff found her out, they could not save her even though they rushed her to the ICU.
The mother seemed undisturbed by the entire event and her picture on the newspaper shows a lost expression on her face. I actually didn’t know how to react to this news.
If I think from the mother's side, the mother might have been under post-partum depression and was under lot of stress that she lost her mind and threw one of the babies out.
However, she raised an alarm that the child went missing and when the hospital people checked the CCTV footage, they found out that she herself was culprit who committed this act early morning.
But, I also doubt why she threw the girl baby out. The other twin, who was a boy, is still alive. Both the children were underweight and suffered from breathing problems. Moreover, if she had the mental state to make up a lie, was this action as a result of her hatred to girl child? Did she do it on purpose - kill the girl child and raise a false alarm? Then, she represents that part of the Indian society which discriminates the girl child - Shameful disgrace to womanhood!
I myself have been through the shaky phase of post-partum depression, but it did not last for long, and I came out of it as a stronger human being. From my experience, I remember that when you deliver a baby, the whole ideal indian family comes around choking your head with useless advice and superstitions and you are expected to deal with the trauma of childbirth and postpartum depression singlehandedly. You will be cooking yourself in a deep well of boiling emotions, trying to be the perfect mom you see in advertisements. I dont know how many of the people out there even know that instead of cuddling the baby and shooting void advice to the mentally frail mother, who would even bother to give a pat on her back or offer her help in child care. Sad sad state!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Golden words

I remember some pieces of advice that I have been given at times. Thought of sharing them:

  • When you need help, take it - never feel embarrassed to ask for help.
  • Never stop doing what you are good at.
  • Eat more veggies, less rice.
  • Don't allow your child to run around while she is having her meals. Make her to sit at one place and concentrate on the food.
  • Take life slow. Avoid doing too many things at a time and stressing yourself.