The Chase

This is a fragment of my sweet childhood memories

My cousin and me; we loved squirrels
We dreamt of keeping a squirrel as a pet some day
Once while playing outside the house, we noticed a squirrel running in haste
And we saw that the squirrel was carrying its baby in its mouth
We decided to chase them (we were cruel minded .... but not now =))

At last we got an opportunity to catch a baby squirrel ... We ran behind the squirrel ...

Some four five plots and hundred trees later, they climbed on a small tree.
All the way, our dog Tommy was following us
And, we both were already tired
Anyhow we started shaking the tree on which the squirrels were present

Suddenly, the baby squirrel fell down
GULP! ....... Suddenly Tommy leaped and caught the squirrel in his mouth

I didn't know what to do :0
I moved swiftly towards the dog and slapped it ... (PHATAAAAK!!!!)

AAAARgh thappoooo!!!!! ....The dog spat back the squirrel on the floor.

Oh no! the head of the squirrel was turned to one side
We thought it was dead..we felt so sad that the squirrel had to go through all this

I saw Tommy running away with his life and he was peeping from the side of a wall

What to do now?
We touched the squirrel
It appeared stiff (Did the stupid dog kill the squirrel????)
Suddenly, it moved its tail.
Phew! it was alive
But the head still remained twisted (handicapped pet .. we would have to live our life with guilt)
We tried to make its head turn back slowly... suddenly, it bit my cousins finger

He started screaming "Ayyo Ayyooooooooooooooooooooo..................."
The squirrel was adamantly hanging from his hand.. :0

He held its head carefully so that it can remove the teeth...
When its grip loosened we tried to put it in the small sack we were carrying

We noticed a change...
WOAAA! its head became normal

The squirrel looked huge
How come? (it is supposed to be a baby....)
Its front teeth was so big and sharp... (err..birk :0) ( or was it a big squirrel with Down's syndrome???)

A series of confused err's and birk's followed????!!!

Then we realised the hard truth...

WE CAUGHT THE MOTHER SQUIRREL :(

We released the Mommy back into the wild...
We couldn't bear the babies cries from some other tree

This was the last time we attempted to catch a squirrel..

The baby cries stopped.. phew! it met its mom :)

We saw some one peeping near a tree.... it was Tommy! :D (peeping tommy :P)
(Tommy was back after recovery from the slap and in action, but hesitant to join us.. SLAPPY BLUES)

How to drive a stray baby bat away from your house without killing it?

Please note, this technique applies only for stray "BABY" bats

1. If the baby bat (bb) is hovering in a particular room. Leave the lights on and evacuate the room asap.
2. Never shoot a bat - u may get screwed by PETA
3. Now the bb is harmless, but it doesn't know that its claws (at the end of the wings) are harmful. In case it strikes your eye you will be blind for life.
4. Next, take a big sheet and cover your self - including your head and arms and the lower part of the face. If u have a burkha like outfit - then that will come handy in such a situation!!!
5. Use kitchen gloves - in case, the bat is in the kitchen, u can use a thick polythene bag to cover ur hands.
6. Please use a goggle or glare to protect your eyes.
7. Now use a mosquito net or yet another bed sheet.
8. Open the closed room and enter slowly (take care that u don't panic nor u panic the bb).
9. Stand at the middle of the room and gently spread the net wave it (as u catch butterflies).
10. If wave the net professionally with care, the bb can be caught in 5 mins.
11. Once caught, the bb does not flutter - it can be held within your fist.
12. Slowly, untangle the bat from the net and set it free outside. (Please take care not to strangle or squeeze the bat, bbs are very delicate animals)

Please note that a fully grown bat cannot be captured and freed by this technique. In case, u want to try this with an adult bat, please do at your own risk!

Chuttaman - the super hero!

I met Chuttaman first on the Star one "comedy show HA HA HA" But! sob, sob -- that show is aired no more..

It is 6.30 - am waiting for bus number 42
We are supposed to be in a queue
But, the smart and disciplined people who come late formed the queue
by closing the vents in the existing one...
Hmm...I realised - Mumbai makes people smart enough that they know where to be

The bus arrives..
I tried to catch a seat near the window, in the middle part of the bus
But, the people who entered before me had a fetish for window seats
I got the front seat :(

I waited for the arrival of my tormentor
I had a 100 Rs. note in my hand :(

The bus started in five minutes
I saw him entering from the front door
I was busy thinking how to save myself from some unstoppable blabbering in Marathi
I got a brilliant idea ..I started searching my purse

As expected, he asked "Madam, ticket!"
Since I was busy searching my bag, he moved to the next seat and continued his job

Phew! now what? he will return back
Since there were very less passengers, he returned back in no time.
He repeated "Madam, ticket!"
I handed over the 100 rs note to him and told "Vashi ..Station"

I got the reply "Chutta..... !$%^&**((^&*(&;*^&^)* #$%^&**((###^&*^(@...."
I gave him a dead look
I can't understand Marathi......!!??
I don't have chutta (oh! by the way chutta means change - i should/am supposed to give him the money in change,which is 17 rs)...
I looked at him like "Puss in boots " does...No use at all !!! This won't work outside the world of animation
He continued his incessant !#$%^&*()((&%^%$!#!#!@"
I told him "Chutta nahin hain!"

I felt that I was on the verge of a volcano, which was smoking and was ready to erupt anytime..
As I expected, he continued "Subah subah....!@$#^*&()*_*#$%^&*("
I felt that I spoiled his day - how mean I am?

Do u think Spider man can save me from such a situation?
or Superman?
or Bat man?
or our own Indian made "Shaktimaan"???

NO.... NO... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............................

Only Chuttaman! he is our only saviour
The only one for the working middle class who travels early in NMMT or BEST buses.

Cutta man is cute, chubby and obese (so much of visceral fat)!!!
His attire is black.
He wears a broad belt designed with so many coins.
He appears when we need chutta.
He can come anywhere.
He is mainly found in the bus stop.
He has a transparent sling bag full of chuttas.
(In fact, he looks like a bus conductor after a drastic make over)

If you want ten 10rs notes for 100 rs, ask the chutta man
If you want hundred 1rs coins for 100 rs, ask him
or even if you want "chillar" for 1000 rs, ask him
He will never disappoint you...

He is the ultimate "Chutta man"
Chuttaman is a superhero with a purpose, not a superhero who saves the world
Alas! he doesn't exist..

I came back from the thoughts of the chubby Chuttaman...
The conductor was seen no where..my ticket?
Suddenly, he came from the back he handed over my ticket and told me something
I understood that what he meant was that he will give the change later
I thought "He could have told this earlier... Chutta is the only way to freak a conductor.."