2 years of motherhood

Motherhood has been a very exciting and overwhelming experience for me. If anyone asks me now, Sarah is like the light of my life. Now during my stint in motherhood, I came across a series of "pet peeves" - unfortunately I have allowed for them to a certain extent, but now I strongly believe that there are certain areas where anyone who is not part of the child-caring process do not have a say. I am sure that most of the mothers out there, especially in India, have faced such instances, which would have left them bitter or drained. So check them out:

• "You have to do this, so that the baby is this or he/she feels like this: - Whenever you come across someone who starts their conversation like this, first, see if this person has a child. Yes, then you can try giving an ear, but I would not suggest you take that advice unless it makes sense. For instance, when the talking person is your mom or mother-in-law, yeah i agree, you need to respect, but you don't have to listen to useless advice nor implement it for their happiness.
• Superstitious bullcrap - I someone tries to impose their superstitions on baby care, run away from them, stay away from them, unless you are prepared to ignore it effectively without a tinge of stress - dude! this is not the 1950s!!
• Dont allow anyone to abuse you in front of the baby. Stay away. You don't want your child growing up hearing all this nonsense and humiliation and if you think it does not affect the baby, you are absolutely wrong. Well, i am a living example of someone who came out of a hostile home environment. When I look back, I dont feel guilty, but I feel very frustrated regarding what situation I was put into with no fault of mine. It did me good though; I became independent and responsible in life. But it deteriorated a lot of my problem-solving skills and I grew up to become very emotionally frail. So if you are going through abuse, be it emotional or physical, do not expose your child to it - he/she absolutely does not deserves this. You would not want her child looking to her friend's home and thinking why it is not the same in her/his home.

Always remember all babies are unique in their own ways, habits, behavior patterns, etc. Mother still remains the primary caretaker, so no one knows what is best for the baby other than the mother. It is important to educate yourself - I take tips from other mothers, and I Google for home remedies, tips and other information.

The TV sleeps

Sometimes when I see my 2-year daughter understanding or doing things, I feel that I wouldn't have been as smart as her even when I was 4 years. For instance, she loves to watch TV. However, I do not allow her to do that all time. And I switch it off and also the main switch to which the plug is connected. I fool her by telling "TV has to sleep." It worked till last day, till I saw her taking her small chair and switching on the plug to see the TV.

I was surprised that she learnt that TV can be switched on any time. Now the TV will not be allowed to sleep.

Do you need them? Do they need you?

Last day while speaking with my friend, we came across a situation where relatives or "friends" back out from functions that are important to us. The next reaction is we feel sad and surprised that how can they not choose to be part of this event that matters to us?

Fret not! This is that important process of life which filters out the dirt - which refers to the shallow namesake relationships. Consider the following clarifications:

• I am her friend, but I cannot support her when she is in crisis. I have my life. Let her deal with it.
• I am his aunt, but no way I am going for his marriage because he did not invite me the way I am supposed to be.

Let us ask ourselves - Do we need such a friend or aunt? Are they worth keeping for?

Everyone has their own personal choices - some will say: this is family, we need to keep them. Some will reply with an outright "NO, I don't need them."

Personally, I would not want such baggage. Life is too short to be wasted worrying on them. Move on - this does not mean shun them, abuse them, and kick them out. Keep a healthy distance where they cannot take over your emotions - move on emotionally. And trust me, this is the hard part. But it definitely gives you that balance you need to keep with regard to such relationships.

Stupid Faith

Faith can become a shroud of stupidity that will make you believe that things will become right some day - I confess, my impatience is stopping me to have faith in anyone other than myself. I know! Life can be hard - hard to that extent where all sacrifice, blood, sweat and tears seem to get wasted, pulling you down to some point of no return. But I am a born fighter and I don't give a damn of what others think of me - but this very fact gives me rubber knees when I think of raising my daughter in this bad bad world.

Hit by Blues.

Bleed Blue for Team Blue

Yesterday, on April 2, 2011, Dhoni, Yuvaraj, Harbhajan Singh, Zaheer Khan, and Ashish Nehra were amongst those who lifted the world cup of 2011.It was hard to hold back the tears as I remember that all of them were part of the real bad phase in 2007 world cup, where they did not even qualify for the quarter finals. The enraged fans even attacked the houses of some players. Now… this is an inspiring story of rising as a beaming Phoenix from the ashes with hard work, determination, persistence, blood, sweat and true grit – all these prepared the team to win the match after 28 years of long wait. I must say the spectators did a wonderful job of being the best support system a home team can ever ask for in such a crucial match. This team we see today is not a flawless one, but a bunch of individuals who had a strong passion for this game and the unstoppable urgency to win – no matter what others thought of them, they were refusing to stop until they held the world cup, which was like their elixir to life.

I had almost lost hope on our team when the wickets after Sachin fell down as a hopeless pack of cards in a match against South Africa within just 29 runs, which made many believe that the middle and tail order batsmen cannot be relied upon. Many of us gave up on them, but importantly, the team didn’t give up on their focus or their abilities to win the cup– the most beautiful lesson to be learnt here.

The first over by Sreesanth in the final match made many of us slap our foreheads. When Sachin and Sehwag returned to the bench and the team score was a meager 32, the stadium almost went dead silent – a lot of disappointed faces, chants and prayers. But, the team was fighting it out carefully ball by ball

Four wickets later and at a 200 plus total after 40 overs, every Indian fan was looking at the two young faces of Indian cricket on the pitch – one of them being our supercool captian who was still ubercool, inching every doosara and teesra any Malinga had to offer. We got a tough opponent, but it was indeed our day – the day for which cricket enthusiasts all over the country waited from years.

The ground support was commendable: no boos, no distractions – just undying passion, hope, and cheers that rocked the ground for every boundary. When the rival team was presented with their medals, the ground echoed with cheers and claps of appreciation – wow! This also reminded me of that embarrassing world cup semi-final match in 1996 where the Srilankan team had to face the wrath of the unruly mob of Eden Gardens because India was loosing the game – the crowd at Wankhade stadium gave them the much-needed respect.

Sachin’s humble and radiant smile was unforgettable and the joyous tears of the support staff and team members created some of the most golden heart-warming moments of this World Cup. Many of them did not forget to mention the bad times they had to wade through to reach here, especially Yuvaraj, who made his critics to bite the dust with his top-notch performance. Hats off to the team coach Gary Kristen and his support staff who molded this team. Let the celebrations continue! Let our passion bleed blue!

Post-partum depression or Discrimination?

Today I was shocked to see a heart-breaking news on Mumbai Mirror that a mother (Deepika Parmar from Dahisar) threw her 1-1/2-month-old baby girl (one of her twins) out of the bathroom window of the hospital. The baby girl did not survive as a rat nibbled half of her head and by the time the security staff found her out, they could not save her even though they rushed her to the ICU.
The mother seemed undisturbed by the entire event and her picture on the newspaper shows a lost expression on her face. I actually didn’t know how to react to this news.
If I think from the mother's side, the mother might have been under post-partum depression and was under lot of stress that she lost her mind and threw one of the babies out.
However, she raised an alarm that the child went missing and when the hospital people checked the CCTV footage, they found out that she herself was culprit who committed this act early morning.
But, I also doubt why she threw the girl baby out. The other twin, who was a boy, is still alive. Both the children were underweight and suffered from breathing problems. Moreover, if she had the mental state to make up a lie, was this action as a result of her hatred to girl child? Did she do it on purpose - kill the girl child and raise a false alarm? Then, she represents that part of the Indian society which discriminates the girl child - Shameful disgrace to womanhood!
I myself have been through the shaky phase of post-partum depression, but it did not last for long, and I came out of it as a stronger human being. From my experience, I remember that when you deliver a baby, the whole ideal indian family comes around choking your head with useless advice and superstitions and you are expected to deal with the trauma of childbirth and postpartum depression singlehandedly. You will be cooking yourself in a deep well of boiling emotions, trying to be the perfect mom you see in advertisements. I dont know how many of the people out there even know that instead of cuddling the baby and shooting void advice to the mentally frail mother, who would even bother to give a pat on her back or offer her help in child care. Sad sad state!

Golden words

I remember some pieces of advice that I have been given at times. Thought of sharing them:

• When you need help, take it - never feel embarrassed to ask for help.
• Never stop doing what you are good at.
• Eat more veggies, less rice.
• Don't allow your child to run around while she is having her meals. Make her to sit at one place and concentrate on the food.
• Take life slow. Avoid doing too many things at a time and stressing yourself.

The surprise element

I have been thoroughly enjoying my stint in parenting even though it can be tiring at times. My little darling continues to surprise me every time. It can be a properly pronounced word or an action mimicking others. She loves to see Bollywood dances and tries to sing the songs while moving her little feet and hands. The tiring part of raising her is the mess she creates around with her toys but since I am not a cleanliness freak, I allow her to enjoy her playtime and arrange the house when she sleeps. Surprise can sometimes transform to shocks when she spills the oil can and i walk over it unknowingly. Childproofing seems to be a never-ending process at times.

A wonderful homemade scrub

Grind Quaker white oats coarsely. Add wheat germ powder and then milk powder; mix these ingredients together and store in an air tight jar. Voila!! - here you have an excellent facial and body scrub when mixed with water or milk and honey. I used it as a scrub for Sarah too, which worked well for her skin - didnt dry it up like soap.

Product review: Scholl Rough Skin remover and Scholl Foot and Nail Cream

These two wonder products have turned out to be the best foot care products I have tried thus far. You can find Scholl products in India at Bata Showrooms. The rough skin remover is actually a scrub with pumice stone articles - very ideal for removing the dry skin from the hard areas of the feet. It is more effective when the foot is already soaked in warm water.

After scrubbing the dry-skin areas, wash the feet and then follow with a small amount of the foot and nail cream. This is a thick moisturiser which keeps the feet moisturised and supple throughout the day. I did not like the strong smell but the results are great and better than any other regular body moisturiser, which most of us usually tend to use for the parched dry feet.

Uses: Best products which I have come across - can be included in your daily foot care regimen

Hmm..: Just the strong smell of the cream

Will you buy this again? Yes Yes!

Product review: Green Leaf Pure Aloe vera Skin gel

I usually prefer the use of natural gel from the plant directly. However, since it is not available every time, this gel has turned out to be very handy for a quick fix. I usually use this product for tired skin or when the facial skin is affected by pollution and break outs. This product improves the skin texture and rejuvenates the skin when left overnight on the skin. It is a very light gel and also very cooling for tired eyes.

Uses: For Skin repair

Hmm..: I cannot find any

Will you buy it again: Yes, I have been a regular user of this gel from 2004. No side effects. I usually do not use it as a day cream but as a balm that soothes facial skin.

Product Review: Body Shop Sweet Lemon Whip Body Lotion

I love lemony fragrance and recently happened to get a bottle of Body Shop Sweet Lemon Whip Body Lotion. The lotion is good for humid weather but for a very dry climate like that in Bangalore, a thicker and creamier lotion is a must. I loved the lemon fresh fragrance but it is not very strong.

Use: a light moisturiser that works well in humid climate - non-sticky.

Hmm: not suitable for winters

Will I buy it again: No because I would rather try some other thicker version from Body shop.

Stay away! Staying alive o o o ooo staying alllliiiveeeee

I have increased the happiness quotient of my life by cutting out rude and mean people - A step that I should have taken long before!

Is this another disaster?

ThenNow

Nandana Sen, who played the role of Rani Mukherjee's Sister in Black, is looking bit weird nowadays. She was one of the fresh faces to hit the industry - now, I feel she has lost her charm - maybe it is aging or makeup, but how can the face structure look different? May be lip injections and cheek implants gone wrong or just weight gain? or yet another case of low self-esteem.

Sharing Happiness and Pain

I recently thought about how my friends deal with their happiness and pain. Do they share it with me. Interestingly, I found out that the concept of sincere friendship sometimes stands as a myth, but then not all the time. Just that the level of sincerity and empathy varies with each relationship and the incidents. Check out the following groups:

1. People who want to share with you their happiness "only." I mean they don't think that worries are worth sharing. Also, they like others craving to be them. So, they keep away the emotional trash which suffocates them within. It is, in fact, a type of "fake positivity" that kind of leaves you depressed.
2. People who want to share their sorrows with you, but are ashamed. They dont want you to think that you are pathetic.
3. People who dont share happiness or sorrows - they think each relationship should be like a business deal. Discuss the specifics of any event if it means something to them, else keep quite. Human Robots, kind of!
4. People who fake empathy - like if you are sad, they act sad (inside they will be overjoyed at your misfortune); or they take your happiness as their happiness (inside, they will be brimming with jealousy).
5. People who genuinely empathise and give you good advice and solutions. They make an honest effort to stand in your shoes and see the picture and try to tell you how they might respond if they faced the particular situation/problem as yours.
6. People who are like rubber bands - they stretch just to fit in a situation for survival, and then be their self only when no one's around or only when they are absolutely sure that they can take the other person for granted by being themselves. Basically, this group of people can socialise well.
7. Sweet-mouths - People who flatter flatter flatter and survive. They flatter in order to get the gossip - they flatter to catch hold of your attention - i mean in most cases, they flatter others and take advantage of their misery/happiness.
8. People who are selective regarding whom to share their problems with. They keep their friends at different levels - such people are good observers.

I guess the list can go on and on - now, which group do I belong to? - I think I am a little bit of everything - complicated!

Product Review: Henko Stain Champion

Finally, a detergent that can make the mom's of school-going kids happy. I have tried almost all other detergent powders in market, but I have not come across something as effective as Henko Stain Champion.

My 1-year old oftens spills a lot of liquids and food stuffs and her dresses and most of the tops that she used in her initial months had a lot of brown, black and yellow stains. She refuses to use a bib; so either I have to remove her top and then feed her or let it be and then feed carefully. However carefully I used to feed her, somehow or the other, the dresses used to get stained.

The difficult part was to wash these stains - when I use a brush, the clothes used to fade with the stain or the stain remained as it is.

Henko came as a great surprise. The water that we get in Mumbai is not that clear - so washing clothes in that water makes the clothes to loose their shine - for instance, light-colored clothes look a bit yellowish and dull. Soaking clothes in Henko for say 30 mins works wonders.

I usually prefer handwashing clothes, especially baby wear, to machine wash - no need to even use a brush, except for collars - otherwise the clothes look rejuvenated and the best part: stubborn stains, like that of turmeric and curries vanish away when the clothes are soaked for an hour.

Rating:4.5/5

Will you buy this again: Yes!!

[Image taken from http://hybris.cms.henkel.com/medias/sys_master/8469318265305488.jpg]

Product Review: LactoCalamine Aloe moisturiser

This moisturiser did not make my facial skin oily - nor did it dry up the skin - in short I can say it mattified my skin without drying it excessively. So I can use it as an excellent base for my compact. However, lacto calamine does not suit all skin types and excess of the lotion can leave a shiny white layer on the skin and also the medicated smell of clay.
Uses: as a facial mosituriser - but will not suit dry skin; also, you can use it on pimples and rashes
Hmm...: May dry out skin excessively and also the fragrance is bit medicated type
Wows: A good moisturiser that can be used in humid climate, especially places like Mumbai, Kerala

Will I buy it again: Yes, but I won't be using it regularly.

[Image taken from https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRF649ZgmyNHslk9sPDUmHYTtt9uASnnMBXNChmrYqU3irOQa6Ns0P86MZ5nWFmXb0EnHCyc-CtHMqllFiE84i-FGfPbszXze9c4Go_yMUQ04BY-DgGdo0BTsy84XX6olUWAHdV3GnYCKn/s320/lc.jpg]

Product review: Efaderm cream

I have been using Efaderm from around four months for dry skin and also for moisturising Sarah after her bath. This cream is manufactured in India by Galderma laboratories.

Uses: for dry feet, as a baby moisturiser
Hmm...: Might be oily for the face - but still can work as an excellent moisturiser in dry climate
Wows: Skin remains soft and supple; also the list of ingredients are small unlike the regular moisturisers we get in market - so we can assume that it is not harsh on the skin for long-term use

[Image taken from http://174.123.135.195/uploads05/57/0/Untitled-118475044.jpg]

Movie review: Misery (1990)

Today, I happened to see the movie "Misery" on HBO. Kathy Bates won an Oscar for playing her psycho character Anne Wilkes and I must say that she surely deserves this honor.

Paul Sheldon (James Caan), the famous author of the "Misery" series of books, meets with a car accident during a blizzard and is rescued by a sweet and hospitable nurse Annie, who also happens to be the fan of his Misery series. Eventhough he happens to be suffering from multiple fractures and wounds, she takes care of him, also reminding politely that the road to town is covered with snow and even the phone lines are dead.

She happens to read the manuscript of the last book of his series and finds out that the lead character Misery is dead and buried. Kathy Bates gives a performance of her lifetime as the cold-blooded dragon nurse Annie. She slowly isolates him from the rest the world and refuses to inform anyone that he is still alive, leaving his agent and the local Sheriff to wonder if he is still alive or gone missing.

Most of the story revolves around the isolated impeccably clean house of Annie, where she forces Paul to burn the only existing copy of the manuscript and then start afresh - as she infamously claims "I am your number one fan," she goes through the chapters and makes him take the storyline according to how she wants. In fact, Paul is now writing to keep her happy, and thus staying alive.

If you like horror movies, then "Misery" won't disappoint you. Also, you come across a sow named "Misery" in this movie - and that is her name offscreen too!

Lost and Found

Somewhere I feel I am wrong
Somewhere I feel I am caged
Sometimes I feel like I am hiding from the world
Sometimes I feel that I should run away in fear

I think that I should not move
But...
My lips are frozen
My soul is broken

I know these thoughts are senseless
When I look into her eyes I realise...

Life is not that unfair
Life is not that hard
The light that shines upon me from her eyes
holds me tight and makes me strong

For the love
For the hope and faith
and for all the thousand blessings that you pass to me
You beautiful smile craves for me.

Oh my little one, how could I be so selfish!
I love to be loved by you darling
All the sweet kisses and all the sheer fun
They are so precious that I refuse to melt in the darkness

I refuse to hate life.