Prematurely health conscious

Recently, I noticed that Sarah is more interested in munching crackers than regular biscuits, and then she also has cornflakes, fruits like watermelon and apple and sometimes oats in small quantities. She would maximum have two bites of chappathi with dal and maybe two tablespoons of rice a day. I keep trying to feed her whatever we prepare at home but at vain. However, i take care not to force feed because she might develop a permanent aversion to food. She takes a mouthful and just nods her head saying NO. She also loves lemon juice. She is not a chubby and overweight; her weight is normal according to her age. Overall, when I look at what she has, she seems to be on a diet to loose weight. However, she loves chips and french fries but I have tried not to make it a habit else I might end up as those moms at malls - whose shopping trolleys are usually filled with colorful chips packets and tetra packs.

Learning to figure out new things

A day back my mother left for Kerala. Next day when Sarah woke up, she might have started missing her and when I asked her where is Ammachi - She looks around and promptly replies "Kaaka kondu poyi." (the crow took her away) . We usually use this sentence while hiding things like remote, wallet, etc. from her.

I had soaked some clothes in a bucket and forgot to close the bathroom door. Sarah runs inside and start rubbing them and rinsing them with her hands - I noticed that she used to observe my mother washing clothes and used to always stay by her side shrieking in excitement and playing with water. Sarah indeed seems to be fascinated with cleaning.

I know

I know how you want to be left by yourself

But people are behind your life

I know how mean can people be

And make this beautiful life appear ruthless

Gather your broken spirit and give it God

He will carry you through the strongest storm

For a moment, just live for yourself

And forget the surrounding chaos that awaits to devor you

After all, nothing matters here

We are getting ready for that heavenly abode

Mean Meaner Meanest

When my father passed away, it defenitely opened our eyes to some nosy people who just wanted the scoop of how he died in Delhi and etc. One of the neighbors called up and enquired if my father had any stuff left in his apartment and are we getting them to our native place. Not to mention a very close relative who took the regular updates of the happenings at Delhi and was busy giving detailed information to those any tom, dick and harry who came to enquire at the native place about the death.
Some people went a step ahead and asked if he got any benefits, how much money is left in the bank account, etc. However, some concerned souls reminded us of the job that his children might get as he expired before retirement - which was okay to some extent but became annoying when they constantly insisted to apply for it when neither me or my brother was interested for a job for which the interview call may come after 20 years.
I remember telling someone that I will not be able to attend a function at his place because of financial crunch and he laughing suggestively as if we got a fortune after our father's death. Can the level of meanness out do this?
The worst was when one of my father's siblings arrived after the day of funeral and was ranting (read scolding) at my grieving mother for not keeping his deadbody (at least his head - yes she said this!) for her to see or take to native place rather than burying him in Delhi. Talk about the height of insensitiveness - I am really sorry but I doubt if she is sane.
A death in the family shows us an altogether different classification of people - people who empathise, people who want the scoop and have a smug, people who want us to move on, people who want us to call them amidst all these happenings and keep giving regular updates as on Cricinfo, people who help, people who lend a shoulder to cry, people who do not know how to give their condolences, people who are still anoyed with the dead person (and hence with his surviving family) for some silly misunderstanding that happened when the person was alive, people who want to know if the dead body decayed and people who do not say anything and be with us in silence.

The best thing is to keep quite if you dont know how to handle such a situation as we all will die in some manner some day and the last thing you would want is others annoying and torchering your loved ones with such inquisitive questions. What goes around comes around defenitely.

Sarah does the talking

I am constantly amazed when Sarah learns to do or tell something new everyday. Today while i gave her water to drink during her breakfast with my mother, she says "No" and then "Joooose" (juice). Also, she holds the mobile phone and starts blabbering seriously, even blowing kisses and then a fake laughter in between. When we off the TV using the remote, she runs to it and presses the main button to switch it on. She keeps observing the lady who comes to mop the house and last day I see her taking a kitchen cloth and mopping the floor diligently. All these are great milestones! Oh yes! she recognises pictures - last day she sees a water melon picture and shows as if she is going to chew it. Her fussiness in eating has reduced but still the amount of intake remains infinitesimally small.

Ah! and she loves advertisements that come on TV, especially the ImranKhan-Kalki Koechlin's Cocoa-Cola Ad. She immediately starts dancing with her hands up in the air with her adoring eyes glued to the TV.

I am enjoying being a part of her life.

All excited

After two weeks, I and Sarah will be going to meet a very dear friend of mine and I am super excited as we will be spending around 3 weeks at her place. R was okay with this suggestion of mine as a break was much needed to clear my head. Have to meet up with some old friends and should go see some places that i loved to visit. I am sure Sarah too will enjoy it.

With due respect

When I walk into a usual restaurent in Mumbai, I can hear people whistling at the waiters and calling them, people speaking rudely to waiters and vice versa. Good and posh restaurents have waiters who make you feel good, whereas in the usual cheap ones, there will be few waiters compared to the crowd and they will be too busy, most of the time holding faces with indifferent-and-trying-to-be-polite expression. However, even if the restaurent is good and costly, it does not mean that the waiters should be good to you. Some appear confused and some seem annoyed if the table becomes dirty. Also some of them are just in a hurry that they forget to be hospitable.

R addresses most of them as "Dosth," which means friend. I usually do not adress them with any name - if at all, I call them "Bhaisab" (which mean sir) or sometimes "Sir" if it is the head waiter.
According to R, he would prefer calling the young waiters as "Chottey." Also he does not like rude waiters and hardly tip such people. Moreover, we do not like people who behave like unruly bosses and call the waiters "AYEEEEE" "HOY" "AAAII" etc.

I generously tip the waiters who serve well and those who are polite and R also does the same - it is because they do not forget their duty - to be hospitable. Such people make our experience with food memorable - talk about "Serving with love." Moreover, we are not fussy eaters who constantly keep giving orders or complain about the taste of food.

I also try to tip the breakfast waiter well because I feel that it is like doing our bit to make them feel good to get through the busy day. In fact, I started practicing this after I read it from some book. Many of them feel good and smile and are eager to serve the next time we visit them.

When I visit hotels with Sarah, I ask her to wave Goodbye to those who served us when we leave, which defenitely lights them up all the time. Also, Sarah just loves the attention when they all wave back and she gets so excited that she blows them a flying kiss her style. Sometimes, she waves to those on the way out.

Basically, it does not require much effort to smile and order food. After all, smiles melt hearts, don't they?

To let go

I came across an excellent movie review of "A Serious Man" by my friend and ex-collegue Rajiv in Cacteye, my previous office magazine.
In fact, I must say that it was an eye-opener for me and I learnt a valuable lesson from it. I know you might find this quite contrasting to my previous post but this is worth sharing with everyone.

Check out the following excerpt from his review:

This movie raises numerous questions about life, its purpose, faith, etc., but does not
provide any answers. Everybody can relate to Larry’s character since he is the epitome
of the everyday working class human being.
Some of you may find this movie bland, serious, and abrupt. But so is life sometimes.
Bland, serious, and abrupt! And life definitely does not give you any answers. Critics
would say the movie parallels the story of the Jewish Biblical character called Job,
who was put through catastrophic events by God just so that He could prove to Satan
that Job would not loose his faith, despite the hardships. Larry Gopnik faces such
similar horrifying situations in his life and he tries his best to gain control of it. The
truth is you are never in control. Larry never was. Probably the solution would have
been to simply “let go.” That’s Zen philosophy for you. The solution to all, which the
movie subtly suggests. Which also reminds us of the Taoist story of an old farmer,
who would simply maintain his composure and reply “We’ll see,” to his neighbors whenever
they would applaud him on a certain good occurrence or convey their sympathies
during desolate times. The farmer never reacted to anything stating “this too would
pass.”

Surprisingly, you may find yourself similar to Larry in trying times - where you try to take control of the hardest situations and end up devastated because you cannot do anything about it - and the best solution is - to LET it GO!

This doesnt mean that I never knew that we should just not take life so seriously for worldly issues, be it a hard or easy one to get along with. The truth: practising this thought "appears to be" hard because I was taking things quite seriously for a major part of my life time. Suddenly when I am asked not to take problems seriously, I screw up big time.

But, when I started letting go of "MAJOR" issues that affect me, for which I cannot find a solution, I end up having a more beautiful and positive perspective on life. So I would want to let go of every incident, be it happy or sad from now at least for my well-being.

Also a beautiful status message by Suneethi on Gmail: Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

And yes! this reminds how thankless I am for my wonderful life to God!

The Hardest Job

I agree - till date, being a wife is the hardest job that I have done. Compared to this, being a mom is such an easy job - at least i am sure that my daughter won't fail to smile if she likes things. All I see around is women looking for true love and hoping for some miracle to happen. Someone to rescue them out of misery as in Cinderella stories.

When your parents fail to give you the happiness "you want," you turn to your spouse thinking that things will be better. I dread those relationships which involve a spouse that nags and nags and accuses endlessly his/her partner and I have tried my best not to be one, but then that alone has never helped. Assuring yourself to be positive and leaving everything to God when you are weary has helped immensely thus far but I dont know how long.

I confess: I have failed the test of being a perfect wife. A list of conditions, rules, and laws haven't left me with enough space to breathe - may be there are women who can survive these because they take the stronger side and can nag better.

Being a wife has turned me into something I were not before - in short, I have lost myself.

At times, you loose control of everything and you wonder if all these were worth the effort.

The rudest soul drilling remark

• You let go of your promotion for a peaceful pregnancy
• You stop working from home because you need to devote more time to family
• You cook three times a day to avoid contamination and excess expense of eating out
• You arrange/rearrange the cupboards that are carelessly tossed everytime
• You don't leave your kid to Day Care because you want to give her your love and care in her formative years, when she needs you the most
• You do not go out because there is no one to take care of your little one
• You still manage to find out time to manage a batch of freelancers
• You silently put up with a faulty plumbing, grinder and washing machine
• You listen to the constant complaints of your loved ones
• Apart from baby management, there is just time to clean, clean, and clean and then arrange and re-arrange.

Finally, the repetitive verdict: you don't know to do any chore properly - you are absolutely incapable! Trust me, thus far, this is the most rudest comment that I have heard about myself straight on my face. Everytime I hear this, something snaps inside me; I scare to invest in any relationship because after all the efforts, this is something that you would never ever want to hear as it always keeps regurgitating as bad vomit that refuses to leave your abdomen despite being as worse as poison.

My ego might be the villan here who is refusing to forgive the particular person, but I am sure that someday God will give me the strength to forgive this pathetic remark and even forget it as line drawn on water- but I would like to go the old school way - embarass those who think this and prove to them that I am far capable of doing things that they cannot even imagine in their wildest dreams. I have always done that and left the rest to God. He has never failed me because there is a limit to which you can torcher someone and shred their soul into pieces. God would never allow anyone to harm you that far. He always watches for you and keeps evil at bay.

I dont know who said this, but I heard that one should be selfish about oneself rather than dying selflessly for your "loved" ones. No one needs sincereity nowadays - may be everyone wants a slave who can take any crap from them.

Worm in the fruit

What if you are slurrping a delicious alphonso mango and suddenly you find that you have eaten a worm or maybe a couple of them?? - i immediately imagine that I am taking part in Fearfactor and eating this yellow cute juicy tiny worm (call it a tutu) is no way going to harm me. Most of us will prefer eating this yellow tutu when compared to the ugly meal worm. After all the tutu is born and brought up in a mango and is as sweet as the mango. And Tutu is anyday better than the tapeworm in uncooked pork.

Food that heals life

Before my marriage, I would always stick to gobi manchurian and chinese noodles if given a choice to eat out. Marriage did not affect my choice but the way gobi manchurian in made in Mumbai is sick. I would rather have palak paneer or a lighter choice like paper dosa.
I also have found a new interest in American chopsuey. Food suddenly seems to be boring. But I do like fancy buffets that offer lot of healthier options. Not to mention, junk food from McDonalds and Capuccinos from Coffee day are always welcome. Kerala porotta was once my childhood favorite. But right now, the sight of it makes me go into indigestion.

I love preparing food and at times, I can relate myself to the little rat in the movie Ratatoullie. I can make out from the whiff of the food cooking if its cooked or not and if the spices are proportionate. I don't know if all women are like that but the smell of food is always important to me. I always think of making the food as healthier as possible - less oil, less spice, less salt and less sugar and more of whole grain options.

Not to mention chocolates - I cannot stay away from them.

Someday, I wish to bake yummy cakes and learn cake decoration. Oh! and I love cookery shows and food movies. Food always remains a very important part of my life and the main secret of surviving successfully as an Indian wife :).

then and now

then..
had dreams
had ambitions
had plans
had positivity
had enthusiasm
had hope
had zeal

now..
have numbness
and God

Sarah's vocabulary

I am constantly surprised when Sarah starts repeating a new word every day. Following are some:
Mellom - for Vellom (Malayalam for water)
Duuuduu- for milk
Appi - for apple
aaaaadddhhiiii - for Adi (beating)
Ammey - for amma (mother)
Ammmmm - for food
Sooos - for shoes
jooos - for juice
baybiii- for baby
wawa - for wawa (baby)
No No - for no no
noooosss - for nose
aaaaaiiieeesss - for eyes
ppaaapu - for diaper
kaaaaka poyi - for kaaaka kondupoyi (crow took away)
kochapii - for kochapi (her pet name)
mooo - for moon
aaaight - for light
faaaa - for fan
beshhh - for brush
staaa - for star
googay - for good girl
mummu - for mummu (her pet name)
gimmmee- for give me
mummy - for her tummy and also her aunt
kokkeeet - for rocket
minnnamma - for banana and also for a spiderman toy
uppupu - for uduppu (frock)
bbaaai, haaaai - bye, hi
pappa - pappa

Where did it come from?

For 12 days I was in Delhi and when I came back, I noticed a huge grey lizard (call it paapi) with spots on its back, in fact, the biggest one seen thus far almost the size of Hulk's palm, roaming inside my kitchen. It spooked me terribly and made my legs rubbery and left me wondering about its point of entry. I was so confident about the newly sealed kitchen window! Even though R tried to find paapi, it hid somewhere.
But then, the next day evening, I found paapi trying to navigate through the wire mesh covering the window. It was struggling hard that I could hear the sound of paapi banging itself of the wire mesh. Then i realised maybe it entered past the three frames and then the kitchen and then could not find its way out. Paapi panicked and hopped into the sink and I had to pester my mother to kill it and flush it down the toilet. Then I sealed the two sliding panes so that they would not enter inside by any chance, which has made the kitchen like a preheated oven.
I would rather cook myself than have a huge gecko around my kitchen. The fear for lizards will never subside as long as I live! So bring it on Geckos - I am your TERMINATOR!!! DO NOT MESS WITH ME!

Love your enemies

When Jesus said "Love your enemies" - most of those who believe in this might have thought that this is the most easiest law of life and there is no big deal. But before you think further, take a moment to think if you can even love your friends sincerely. Ask yourself the following:

• If your friend is doing good in life, do you share his/her happiness or the immediate reaction in your mind is jealousy?
• Do you call yourself a particular person's dear friend, but you do not miss to back bite.
• If your friend is in trouble, do you never think of the consequences and just take that extra step to help him/her out of it?
• Do you feel happy when your friend meets with something unfortunate and go around spreading the news to whomever you know?
• Do you listen to your friend's problems?
• Do you appreciate your friend?
• Are you the first to blame your friend who has commited a grave mistake and do you make sure that he/she feels guilty about it?
• Will it matter to you if your friend doesn't keep in touch with you?
• Are you interested in listening bad stuff about your friend?
• Do you gossip about your friend?

I confess, if i ask myself the above set of questions, I do not have many friends. I have been mean to my friends but I have defenitely acknowledged good friendship and tried to keep my good friends happy.

So, loving friends (i.e., people whom you are supposed to love) unconditionally is hard - then what about enemies ((i.e., people who hate and harm you)?? - it stands as an altogether different agenda.

My father's daughter

My father worked as a Senior Technical Assistant in UCMS, Delhi. He left all of us on March 20. After he is gone, every minute of life, I refuse to believe that he is no more - it is just like a news I would never want to believe. He was an alcoholic, but loved me the most in family. He was proud of the fact that I got a good job in Bangalore and was independent taking care of myself. I remember myself feeling angry and disappointed when he asked me to leave home and search for job after my post graduation. But after I got a job and started working, I realised that what he wanted was absolutely right for me - at least I could figure out what i needed for my career and what suited me most. He even told me to find my life partner myself as that will be always better than parent's choice. When Sarah was born, he spend hours playing with her and feeding her and he was worried how I would raise the kid in the 1 BHK in Dombivili, Thane.

God has been graceful to us and has been giving us the immense strength to bear his loss, and also when we had to go through the after-effects of his alcoholism when he was alive, God has carried us without falling. He was also kind to my father as he blessed him with a grand-daughter before he left this world. Life has never been easier but it never had been that hard for us to live. Today, if I am independent and strong, it is all because of my father. God bless his soul.